Home > Uncategorized > How to Be a Good Listener – 10 Secrets of Effective Listening

How to Be a Good Listener – 10 Secrets of Effective Listening

Whether it’s our husband or wife, our kids, or with a potential customer or our employer, one of life’s great challenges is learning how to be a good listener. Many times, we are tempted to think about our response rather than listen with the intent to understand. Or, we think we already know what the other person is going to say, so we simply interrupt or wait impatiently for our turn to speak.

Learning how to be a good listener and really listening, with our whole being, is a skill and one of the greatest gifts we can give another human being. The following 10 “steps” will┬áteach you how to be a good listener

How to be a good listener – Step 1.
Stop Talking! It is difficult to listen and speak at the same time.

How to be a good listener – Step 2.

Put the other person at ease. Give them space and time and “permission” to speak their peace. How we look at them, how we stand or sit, makes a huge difference. Relax, and let them relax as well.

How to be a good listener – Step 3.

Show the other person that you want to hear them. Look at them. Nod when you can agree, ask them to explain further if you don’t understand. Listen to understand them and their words, rather than just for your turn.

How to be a good listener – Step 4.
Remove distractions. Good listening means being willing to turn off the TV, close a door, or stop reading your mail. Give the speaker your full attention, and let them know they are getting your full attention.

How to be a good listener – Step 5.
Empathize with the other person. Especially if they are telling you something personal or painful, or something you intensely disagree with, take a moment to stand in their shoes, to look at the situation from their point of view.
How to be a good listener – Step 6.
Be patient. Some people take longer to find the right word, to make a point or clarify an issue. Give the speaker time to get it all out before you jump in with your reply.

How to be a good listener – Step 7.
Watch your own emotions. If what they are saying creates an emotional response in you, be extra careful to listen carefully, with attention to the intent and full meaning of their words. When we are angry, frightened or upset, we often miss critical parts of what is being said to us.

How to be a good listener – Step 8.
Be very slow to disagree, criticize or argue. Even if you disagree, let them have their point of view. If you respond in a way that makes the other person defensive, even if you “win” the argument, you may lose something far more valuable!

How to be a good listener – Step 9.
Ask lots of questions. Ask the speaker to clarify, to say more, give an example, or explain further. It will help them speak more precisely and it will help you hear and understand them more accurately.

How to be a good listener – Step 10.
STOP TALKING! This is both the first and the last point, because all other tools depend on it. Nature gave us two ears and only one tongue, which is a gentle hint that we should listen twice as much as we talk.
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  1. November 6th, 2012 at 11:11 | #1

    You’re welcome Caleb and I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for the link and anytime you’d like to share something with this community shoot me a message and you can post an article!

  2. Ronskie
    August 27th, 2012 at 06:34 | #2

    Because of this suggestion how to be an effective listener, i overcome slowly my weakness. Thanks :-)

  3. May 9th, 2012 at 19:33 | #3

    Thanks Yousif,

    To be successful in life requires more than wishful thinking. It requires a commitment to improving your quality of life. I’ve worked with other very successful achievers and created an amazing program go to http://brianmaxwellpublishing.org/nextlevel.html and learn how to prosper!

  4. Yousif
    April 22nd, 2012 at 20:21 | #4

    I really enjoyed reading that post … Very useful thank you a lot

    Keep it up

  5. March 30th, 2012 at 17:46 | #5

    Hi, Guys! Many friends of mine talk about your blog anytime, and now I am here. After read a couple of your post, I must say that it?s really great! I really appreciate your work!

  6. March 30th, 2012 at 15:41 | #6

    I have a presentation incoming week, and I am on the lookout for such information. Thank you for your articles!

  7. March 9th, 2012 at 08:54 | #7

    Valuable information and excellent design! I would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts and time!!!

  8. March 9th, 2012 at 03:57 | #8

    Thank u so much dude for sharing your wonderful experiences with all of us. I’m gonna come back again looking for some updates.

  9. March 9th, 2012 at 03:57 | #9

    Wonderful blog, amazing posts, nice layout, great content management.Nice of you!

  10. zeineb nasri
    February 1st, 2012 at 04:42 | #10

    u’re ideas really effective and advantageous;listening is one of the most great steps to be a good communicator.

  11. January 2nd, 2012 at 14:40 | #11

    These steps are great! Relationships rely on being able to listen effectively and I agree that first and foremost, you must stop talking to be able to fully listen and be engaged.

    Gail Kasper
    Motivational Speaker and Author
    Likeable You: 7 Communication Strategies for Long-Term Relationships

  12. December 6th, 2011 at 02:56 | #12

    Excellent post. I used to be checking constantly this blog and I’m impressed! Extremely useful information particularly the closing phase :) I take care of such information much. I was looking for this certain information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  13. December 5th, 2011 at 10:12 | #13

    I will immediately grasp your rss as I can’t in finding your email subscription link or newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly allow me understand in order that I may subscribe. Thanks.

  14. October 14th, 2011 at 01:28 | #14

    Too bad our ego thoughts get in the way. Too often the ego wants to insert itself to assert its existence. In this effort the other person is left unheard. Thanks for the advice.

    Follow me on facebook:

  15. September 23rd, 2011 at 22:38 | #15

    wonderfull blog and i hope it could be important to my life too

  16. September 8th, 2011 at 15:09 | #16

    Stop talking is a one of the best ways to start listening. A person can’t really do both.

  17. September 8th, 2011 at 04:47 | #17

    Wonderful line up. We’ll be linking to this fantastic post on our website. Sustain the great producing.

  18. September 2nd, 2011 at 03:03 | #18

    Well I truly liked studying it. This article offered by you is very helpful for correct planning.

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