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How to improve self esteem in 10 steps

1. The first tip on how to improve self esteem is to be nice to yourself! Stop giving yourself a hard time and start appreciating “you” as a unique individual. To improve self esteem you should never compare yourself to others as this is a thankless task and you are a truly unique individual. Sure, many people have similarities but no-one is exactly the same as any other being on the planet. Ask your friends and family to list a few things that they love about you and then what they see as your weaknesses because using this information is an excellent way to improve self esteem. You might be very pleasantly surprised or even astonished when they name things that would never have occurred to you!

2. The second tip on how to improve self esteem is to treat yourself as your own best friend. You would never talk to your best friend the way that you talk to yourself, for example, “I’m so stupid! How could I have said/done what I just did? Why am I always doing such silly things” - so why talk to yourself that way? We all do it to a certain extent but to improve self esteem you must become aware of when you’re talking to yourself like this and stop it in its tracks. Yes, you may have made a mistake but you’re human, aren’t you? It’s OK to make mistakes, the clever thing to do to improve self esteem is to think then about what you could have done differently and remember that next time you’re in a similar situation.

3. Tip number 3 for how to improve self esteem is to set yourself some small goals and take baby steps to achieve them. Think about how you would like things to be in each area of your life, for example, romantic relationship, work, finances, personal development, hobbies and recreations, physical health and well being, spiritual growth. Identify one thing at a time and focus on that. Don’t set yourself up for failure, though, by taking on too much at any one time because this may not improve your self esteem and it could have a overwhelming effect on you. Take your time on each goal and move at a steady pace towards it. Set yourself small targets but ones that will require some effort from you and as you achieve them it will improve your self esteem.

4. The fourth tip on how to improve your self esteem is to try new skills - anything from being more assertive to learning to dance the tango!. Challenge yourself and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Don’t forget that if you join a class or group learning a new skill, everyone will be focusing on themselves and not looking at you! Celebrate your success as you make progress, again setting yourself small goals and revising them as you achieve each one because this will give your self esteem a tremendous boost. Write yourself a Wish List - have 3 separate columns for “things I want to do” “things I want to be” and “things I want t have”. To improve self esteem you should look for what you’re doing RIGHT, not for what you’re doing WRONG.

5. The fifth tip to improve self esteem is to write a list of your past achievements. Things like passing your driving test or writing a thesis for your degree course, or even much more basic, being able to successfully make and serve up a three course meal - to get the timing right on that is no mean feat! When you’ve made a list, leaving plenty of space after each item, list the skills and characteristics it took for you to complete them: for example, making that meal: it took planning, management, resourcefulness, great attention to detail - all useful skills for many other things in life. Keep this list somewhere you can look at it often to remind yourself that you are actually a very unique and skilled individual. The point of this exercise is to acknowledge your own strengths because this will have an empowering effect on improving self esteem.

6. To improve self esteem you have a look at your limiting beliefs - things you’ve always told yourself you’re no good at, for example “I’m hopeless at maths” “I never win anything” “no-one can ever love me”. Ask yourself what is that poor self esteem image of yourself based on? What evidence has there been in your life to support this assumption or belief? Try to get to the origin of that thought - did someone tell you as a child that you’re no good at maths? Look at the reality of that belief - is it true that you never win anything - ever, ever? Or just that you don’t win things regularly or the things you want. So to improve self esteem you must get REAL!

7. The seventh step to improve self esteem is that givers gain - do some charitable work, help out at fund-raisers, become a mentor to someone who is learning something that comes naturally to you - it will give you a great feeling of belonging to a group, as well as personal satisfaction - it is so rewarding to do things for others and in turn it can improve your self esteem and personal image about yourself. Try it, you might become addicted! We often don’t appreciate that just because we find something easy, others struggle with that same job.

8. The eighth and one of my favorite ways to improve self esteem is to do more of the things you love doing - see no. 4! This summer there are loads of free event based around the South Bank in London, for example. Look at your local paper or library for things going on near where you live.

9. To improve your self esteem you shouldn’t take people for granted - tell your nearest and dearest how much you appreciate them and what a difference they make to your life. We all want to be appreciated because it means people are giving us attention and that in turn will make you feel good about yourself. Be more vocal - don’t think just because you “know” how you feel about someone, that they know for sure how you feel - tell them! How does it make you feel when someone gives you a compliment? So, imagine how the people you pay compliments to will feel in return towards you.

10. The tenth to to improve self esteem is to get to know yourself inside out - what’s important to you (your values) and live according to those values - the things you must have in your life that make you happy. When you live honoring those values, you will feel much more contented with yourself.

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